Hey Tato!

By Borys Prokopovych

As another Father's Day arrives, I am reminded that I have been a father for twenty years without ever really thinking about "my" day. Like every other father, between deadlines at work and projects at home, my days are filled with so many things to do that there is little room for contemplation. I certainly don't think being a Ukrainian father is any different from being any other kind of father, except maybe for those extra trips to Ukie school. But I do think being a father today carries a lot more stress, anxiety and responsibility than in any other age.

Faced with potential layoffs, downsizing, business mergers, rising costs of education, global instability and threats of environmental doom, today's fathers worry twice as much. If that isn't enough, there's the Internet with its exposure to everything once kept secret from children, at least for a while. Is it any wonder that most fathers wear a perpetual frown? Not so much for themselves, but out of concern for their children.

So, how did we get our own day? Did we feel left out on Mother's Day? Not really. In May of 1905, Anna M. Jarvis vowed to fulfill her mother's wish for a special holiday to honor mothers. In 1908, the first official Mother's Day celebrations were held in West Virginia and in 1914, Woodrow Wilson declared Mother's Day a national holiday. It is interesting to note that the holiday took on a commercial tone, and in 1923, Anna filed a lawsuit to stop a Mother's Day festival. She was furious to find the white carnations she had designated as the official Mothers Day flower being sold. She wanted it to be "a day of sentiment, not profit," she protested. She admitted to being sorry she had ever started the holiday, and spent all of her inheritance trying to return the holiday to its loving intentions.

Contrary to a popular misconception, Father's Day, was not started in order to help greeting card manufacturers sell more cards. In fact when a "father's day" was first celebrated there were no Father's Day cards! Mrs. John B. Dodd, of Washington, first proposed the idea of a "fathers day" in 1909. She wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart, a Civil War veteran who was widowed when his wife died in childbirth with their sixth child. It was only after Mrs. Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his six children as a single parent.

The first Father's Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane Washington. At about the same time in various towns and cities across America, other people were beginning to celebrate a "father's day." But it took 57 years before President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father's Day in 1966. By contrast it only took 9 years from proposal to fact for Mother's Day. Guess they really had to think about giving us a day.

While there are numerous sources describing a mother's role, very little is said about what a father does. Even with our 'own" day, society seems to say that fathering is merely providing a paycheck. By definition the verb "to father" simply means to beget or to place responsibility for the origin or cause of. The noun "father", is a man who has begotten a child. The overall theme for the word father is to procreate. The definitions for "mother", however, relate more towards nurturing and caring. This implies that the mother's responsibilities are to give birth and to take care of and the father's responsibilities are simply to sire. Judging by today's statistics of absentee fathers, far too many "sires" apparently agree.

It would seem then that a father's role is to have a job, preferably a good, high-salary job. From our earliest days, society tells us that a man's role is to get to the top. The assumption is that we men should be aggressively seeking that better job even if it means moving to strange new places. A second assumption is that we should be married with children to move up the corporate ladder since single men can't be trusted with high positions. What kind of parents we are doesn't seem to matter; just the appearance of being a good family man and having children to introduce is sufficient for those corporate picnics. This results in a lot of executives with plenty of money and no one to love. In most other countries, family comes first. We need to change the social assumption in this country that places success over family and being on top of the ladder over being a father.

Most fathers understand that the commitment and dedication required to be a parent and to raise children is a whole different world from merely having children. Those who don't, cheat their children out of their future and cheat themselves out of their children's' love.

So, what do fathers do? I would argue that there is little difference between the work that a mother does and the work that a father does. A father nurtures his children in a different manner from a mother, but children need both. He plays an important role in the physical, social, intellectual and spiritual needs of children. Whether making repairs, paying bills, buying food and clothes, or helping children to feel secure, a father provides the elements that children need in their lives to stay happy and healthy. He is there when children need someone to talk with about their ideas, feelings, and problems. He encourages them, works with them, and compliments them on their achievements.

Like any other father, I have heard and responded to all of those familiar requests. Hey Tato, can you drive me to the game? Hey Tato, can you help me with my project? Hey Tato, can you fix my bike? And the ever popular Hey Tato, can I borrow the car? From trying to play soccer and hockey to playing mean old Gargamel chasing Smurfette, I've evolved into lending a hand with homework that has out-paced my knowledge. No matter how tired I may be, I am always ready to respond to whatever the concern is at the moment. I listen to their hopes, dreams, desires and fears when they need someone to talk with. I want them to know I will always be there, standing behind them no matter what happens in their lives. Looking back over the years, over all the good times and the bad times, I know that being a father is not an easy job, in fact, it's more demanding than the toughest boss, but it brings more joy to me than any executive position ever could.

We, as a society, should redefine what we now call fathering. We need to reaffirm the role that fathers play in the home, not just where they work. To fathers, children are the most important work in life!

So to all the fathers out there - Happy Father's Day - you've earned it, Tato!